he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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