Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
