Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
