This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
