Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
