if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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