lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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