I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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