Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
