he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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