I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Holy sore nipples Batman
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize