hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
