She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
