what day is it and did you see me today?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
