Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
