Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
