i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
