Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
