my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
