i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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