dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
