Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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