Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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