I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I have fence marks all over my body
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize