where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
