whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We need to rekindle our bromance
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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