you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
