Cold hands, warm shart.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
