I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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