i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
