My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
