Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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