i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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