Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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