I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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