Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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