Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
