And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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