I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I woke up under a house in Key West
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