I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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