His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
