i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
