just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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