Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
