Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
