dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
