Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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