So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
