Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
