I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
