drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
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