I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
