allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
