cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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