i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
