So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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