from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
