And to think..we used to do everything sober...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
