Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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