Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
