Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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