he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
