she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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