Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
