We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
