I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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