Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
