He is an equal opportunity slut.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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