How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
