why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
