i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
