TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
