Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You can't just leave with hair like that
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
