hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
