My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
