you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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