I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
