can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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