Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
