Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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