dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
