I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
