If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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