I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
