I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Randomize
