3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
