new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
