im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
