I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
