you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Randomize
