too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
