I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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