Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
