What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
