I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
