On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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