shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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