i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
