it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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