I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
