he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
