i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
