OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
