why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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