I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
