I didn't shave. On purpose
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
