Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
