I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
