im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
