He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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