I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize