I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
