I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
