He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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