let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
