i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
